After today, he will no longer be just my best friend.
He will be a husband, maybe a father. He will no longer be only mine. He will be a part of a family, an entity that will form the moment he pledges himself. He’ll be one half of a whole, inseparable, but always separate.
He will belong to a subset, or move from one circle to another. He will take a step that announces his difference, his sameness. He’ll wear a ring on his finger, one that draws some eyes while deterring others.
Will they wonder, when they look into his handsome face, past the stubble creeping across his jaw—so faint, so soft, he should never shave at all. Will they measure his eyes, the gravity behind irises brown flecked with gold. His lips, his smile, that dimple that flashes only on one side.
Will they see his face and wonder if he’s happy, committed. If he misses being single. Being just a guy. Just a best friend. A lover.
They won’t wonder that, they’ll simply want him—because he’s beautiful.
He reaches over to fiddle with my tie; strong fingers tweak each end, straightening the middle.
“Gotta look sharp on my big day,” he says.
Something inside me dives toward my shoes, the shiny black shoes purchased just for this occasion.
His hands drop to my sides and I feel mine rise toward his shoulders where they hang in the air, uncertain and afraid. His nose tucks into the shadow of mine and his breath tickles my lips.
“Last kiss,” he says and I think my heart might stop beating. Follow everything else down and out, exit myself and find somewhere else to live.
My fingers find the back of his neck and it is warm and his hair is soft—as it always is. I can smell him, the soap—my soap. He used it this morning. It smells different on him, it always has.
The kiss isn’t long enough. It’s too gentle and weighted with too much import. He is nervous, I can tell, and I want to grip his shoulders, hold him close and tell him to never let me go. To run away with me—now. To forget ceremony and…change.
I don’t want to lose my best friend. It hurts. I am afraid. After today, everything between us will change. But it shouldn’t. It really shouldn’t. I’m the one he’s marrying.
(Picture credit: Looking, Ep. 7)